Towards Reclaiming a Way to Narrate Again

Maybe there is a way to write things without them being superficial but still to wander through the writing in a more organic kind of way. To explore and discover and find those tidbits and utilize vocabulary in new ways. Like Dave Eggers or Shelley Jackson seem to do sometimes. Something narrated in a detailed way, conscious of stolen hoses and other ephemeral items, often robbed in the cover of darkness. Sorry I am getting off of the point. I found Gertrude Stein again. This time in the house of my prometida in Hermosillo. And this establishes another process that I have little control over (o sea 1) learning how to narrate in a way that is detailed, organic and not cloying or superficial 2) mixing and demixing the two languages I live in). I want to narrate things again and learn to say things again in a clear way and the clear way is evasive and difficult. And both languages are mixed in daily life but daily life responds to different exigencies than writing or reading unfortunately. And I love Stein for her wandering narratives that never quite let you touch her never quite let you intern yourself inside her brain. I was reading a book that I picked up here at the Conference here in Hermosillo while I sat between Las Mafaldas who love her and the book was talking about piropos and it is a handmade book handbound and gorgeous and I do not think there is a website to look at because websites will never be hand made or hand bound and I ran into Jen Hofer's writing again. This time a poem translated into Spanish by a poet who Jen translates into English. And this seems to be a good answer to a difficult question about how to respect our own limitations and to find ways to cross at the same time. English is my mother tongue. And as they say, I also have a stepmother tongue. I should say to my drunken detractors officially that I am no more a wanna-be Mexican than I am a wanna-be American. Perpetually doomed to failure both projects I think. I suppose I should also mention that Sonoran food is frightfully lacking in fiber and high in alcoholic content yes here Tecate is included as a food generally. I will not eat another quesadilla for two months. I will not eat another quesadilla for two months. At least. The problem is that I am convinced that Manuel is right, albeit also cruel. The fictions of one small, relatively meaningless life cannot compare with a well written film script or a well developed novel. And yet narrators find ways to narrate and tie their words together into strings. And I´ll translate them and keep trying to find a way to write something myself, though doomed to failure surely. Sin más, signing off from mi casa Infonavit in Helmosillo.

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